1 00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:09,340 "MELISSA AND JOEY" IS RECORDED IN FRONT OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE. 2 00:00:12,043 --> 00:00:13,643 WHY ARE YOU IN EXERCISE CLOTHES? 3 00:00:13,644 --> 00:00:16,746 I WAS EXERCISING. 4 00:00:16,747 --> 00:00:19,549 NO, SERIOUSLY, WAS EVERYTHING ELSE DIRTY? 5 00:00:19,550 --> 00:00:23,093 I JUST DID THE CARDI-YOGA CLASS IN THE PARK DOWN THE STREET. 6 00:00:23,094 --> 00:00:25,525 WAS THAT SOME KIND OF COURT-ORDERED PUNISHMENT? 7 00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:28,258 CAN'T SOMEONE JUST EXERCISE BECAUSE IT'S GOOD FOR THEM? 8 00:00:28,259 --> 00:00:29,559 ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, MISS EYEBROW. 9 00:00:29,560 --> 00:00:32,362 A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO AT A CHARITY AUCTION, 10 00:00:32,363 --> 00:00:34,704 I PAID FOR A TEN-COURSE GOURMET MEAL 11 00:00:34,705 --> 00:00:36,666 AT THE UBER TRENDY RESTAURANT 13 TABLES. 12 00:00:36,667 --> 00:00:39,339 MY PLAN IS TO SAVOR EVERY BITE TOTALLY GUILT-FREE 13 00:00:39,340 --> 00:00:42,612 BECAUSE I WILL HAVE BURNED OFF ALL THE CALORIES IN ADVANCE. 14 00:00:42,613 --> 00:00:44,814 ACTUALLY, THAT'S PRETTY CLEVER. 15 00:00:44,815 --> 00:00:47,717 HEY, THIS IS MORE THAN JUST A PRETTY PICTURE. 16 00:00:47,718 --> 00:00:49,649 13 TABLES, THAT'S THE RESTAURANT 17 00:00:49,650 --> 00:00:51,251 WITH CELEBRITY CHEF WHAT'S-HIS-NAME? 18 00:00:51,252 --> 00:00:52,622 YEAH, MALCOLM SUNDERLAND. 19 00:00:52,623 --> 00:00:56,126 OH, JUST SAYING HIS NAME MAKES MY MOUTH WATER. 20 00:00:56,127 --> 00:00:58,788 AND ISN'T HIS PLACE FAMOUS FOR ITS FLAMING CHEESE? 21 00:00:58,789 --> 00:01:01,231 YES, THEY HAVE CHEESE AND FIRE. 22 00:01:01,232 --> 00:01:03,634 I MEAN, IT'S LIKE A LAS VEGAS SHOW FOR YOUR MOUTH. 23 00:01:04,735 --> 00:01:06,736 AND JOE AND I GET TO ENJOY A ROMANTIC DINNER 24 00:01:06,737 --> 00:01:09,669 AT THE CHEF'S TABLE RIGHT INSIDE THE KITCHEN. 25 00:01:09,670 --> 00:01:12,242 WOW, THEY LET YOU SIT IN THE KITCHEN? 26 00:01:12,243 --> 00:01:14,244 MAYBE FOR ANOTHER $200, 27 00:01:14,245 --> 00:01:15,705 HE'LL LET YOU WASH THE DISHES. 28 00:01:15,706 --> 00:01:17,807 IT'S CHEF SUNDERLAND, OKAY? 29 00:01:17,808 --> 00:01:19,349 I WOULD PAY TO LICK THOSE DISHES. 30 00:01:19,350 --> 00:01:22,482 MEL, WHAT IS UP? 31 00:01:22,483 --> 00:01:23,713 I WAS JUST RUNNING BY THE PARK AND I SAW YOU 32 00:01:23,714 --> 00:01:25,215 STANDING THERE WITH A BUNCH OF STRANGERS 33 00:01:25,216 --> 00:01:26,486 DOING SOME HALF-ASS JUMPING JACKS. 34 00:01:26,487 --> 00:01:29,419 THOSE ARE JUMPING JILLS, AND JUMPING IS OPTIONAL. 35 00:01:29,420 --> 00:01:32,322 YEAH, THEN I SAW YOU TAKE A NAP. 36 00:01:32,323 --> 00:01:33,663 OH, THAT'S SAVASANA. 37 00:01:33,664 --> 00:01:36,796 IT'S MY FAVORITE PART. 38 00:01:36,797 --> 00:01:38,698 YOU KNOW WHAT'S NOT THE BEST EXERCISE? 39 00:01:38,699 --> 00:01:40,330 SLEEPING. 40 00:01:40,331 --> 00:01:42,672 YOU GUYS LOOK LIKE A BUNCH OF CIVIL WAR RE-ENACTORS IN LYCRA. 41 00:01:42,673 --> 00:01:44,534 WHY ARE YOU GUYS ALL GIVING ME 42 00:01:44,535 --> 00:01:45,705 A HARD TIME ABOUT EXERCISING? 43 00:01:45,706 --> 00:01:47,407 I'M NOT. I'M ACTUALLY GIVING YOU A HARD TIME 44 00:01:47,408 --> 00:01:49,139 ABOUT HIRING SOME STRANGER TO BE YOUR TRAINER 45 00:01:49,140 --> 00:01:51,441 WHEN YOU COULD'VE HIRED THE SAME AMAZING TRAINER THAT I USE. 46 00:01:51,442 --> 00:01:53,143 YOU KNOW? 47 00:01:53,144 --> 00:01:54,784 ME. 48 00:01:54,785 --> 00:01:55,815 THANKS FOR THE OFFER. 49 00:01:55,816 --> 00:01:57,317 NO NO, SERIOUSLY. COME ON. 50 00:01:57,318 --> 00:01:59,419 THIS COULD BE ANOTHER FUN COUPLE'S ACTIVITY 51 00:01:59,420 --> 00:02:00,690 THAT WE COULD DO TOGETHER, YOU KNOW? 52 00:02:00,691 --> 00:02:02,352 FINDING NEW AND INTERESTING WAYS 53 00:02:02,353 --> 00:02:03,823 TO RAISE OUR HEART RATES UNTIL WE'RE BOTH 54 00:02:03,824 --> 00:02:06,526 GRUNTING AND SWEATING LIKE ANIMALS. 55 00:02:06,527 --> 00:02:08,158 OKAY, THAT'S MY CUE TO LEAVE. 56 00:02:08,159 --> 00:02:10,230 WAIT, I THOUGHT YOU WANTED US TO GET TOGETHER. 57 00:02:10,231 --> 00:02:12,732 YEAH, BUT I DIDN'T WANT A FRONT-ROW SEAT. 58 00:02:12,733 --> 00:02:15,665 LOOK, JOE, I JUST THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA 59 00:02:15,666 --> 00:02:16,736 TO KEEP OUR PERSONAL LIVES 60 00:02:16,737 --> 00:02:18,368 AND OUR EXERCISE LIVES SEPARATE. 61 00:02:18,369 --> 00:02:19,439 WHAT? WHY? 62 00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:20,510 BECAUSE I DON'T WANT YOU SEEING ME 63 00:02:20,511 --> 00:02:22,212 ALL SWEATY AND NASTY. 64 00:02:22,213 --> 00:02:24,444 ( chuckles ) TOO LATE FOR THAT, BABY. 65 00:02:24,445 --> 00:02:26,616 ALL RIGHT, SERIOUSLY. JUST GIVE ME A RUNNING START. 66 00:02:26,617 --> 00:02:28,878 ( theme music plays ) 67 00:02:28,879 --> 00:02:30,820 - ♪ IT'S ALL GOOD ♪ - ♪ All good ♪ 68 00:02:30,821 --> 00:02:32,652 - ♪ IT'S OKAY ♪ - ♪ Okay ♪ 69 00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:34,424 - ♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪ - ♪ All right ♪ 70 00:02:34,425 --> 00:02:36,256 ♪ AS FAR AS I CAN SEE ♪ 71 00:02:36,257 --> 00:02:37,687 - ♪ IT'S ALL GOOD ♪ - ♪ All good ♪ 72 00:02:37,688 --> 00:02:39,929 - ♪ IT'S OKAY ♪ - ♪ Okay ♪ 73 00:02:39,930 --> 00:02:41,561 - ♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪ - ♪ All right ♪ 74 00:02:41,562 --> 00:02:44,394 ♪ I GUESS YOU'RE STUCK ♪ 75 00:02:44,395 --> 00:02:47,398 ♪ WITH ME ♪ 76 00:02:48,799 --> 00:02:50,169 MEL, LOOK, YOU CAN HIRE 77 00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:51,271 WHOEVER YOU WANT AS YOUR TRAINER. 78 00:02:51,272 --> 00:02:52,342 - OKAY? - OH, MAY I? 79 00:02:52,343 --> 00:02:53,743 BUT YOU'RE MAKING A MISTAKE. 80 00:02:53,744 --> 00:02:55,345 - I'LL LEARN TO LIVE WITH THAT. - ALL RIGHT, FINE. 81 00:02:55,346 --> 00:02:56,646 - I'LL DROP IT. - GREAT. 82 00:02:56,647 --> 00:02:58,778 - AFTER I MAKE ONE LAST POINT. - OKAY, SEE, 83 00:02:58,779 --> 00:02:59,809 THIS IS NOT DROPPING IT. 84 00:02:59,810 --> 00:03:02,552 THIS IS THROWING IT... PING... IN MY FACE. 85 00:03:02,553 --> 00:03:03,913 I'M JUST SAYING, I'VE BEEN SPENDING YEARS 86 00:03:03,914 --> 00:03:05,955 DEVELOPING AN AMAZING EXERCISE PROGRAM, OKAY. 87 00:03:05,956 --> 00:03:07,857 I KNOW WHAT WORKS BECAUSE... 88 00:03:07,858 --> 00:03:09,719 WELL, BECAUSE HERE ARE TWO REASONS, OKAY? 89 00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:11,721 ONE... 90 00:03:11,722 --> 00:03:13,923 AND, UH, TWO... 91 00:03:13,924 --> 00:03:16,466 THAT'S NOT AS HOT AS YOU THINK IT IS. 92 00:03:16,467 --> 00:03:19,729 LOOK, I'M JUST SAYING I KNOW WHAT WORKS ON ME 93 00:03:19,730 --> 00:03:21,801 BECAUSE I'M HARD WORKING AND I'M DEDICATED, 94 00:03:21,802 --> 00:03:23,733 BUT IT WOULD REALLY BE INTERESTING TO SEE 95 00:03:23,734 --> 00:03:26,707 IF IT WORKED ON SOMEBODY WHO WAS ALMOST COMPLETELY SEDENTARY. 96 00:03:28,809 --> 00:03:30,610 BUT... BUT WHO... WHO... WHO MAKES THAT 97 00:03:30,611 --> 00:03:32,442 LOOK VERY SEXY. 98 00:03:32,443 --> 00:03:36,546 YOU KNOW, THIS SYSTEM OF YOURS, DO YOU HAVE A NAME FOR IT? 99 00:03:36,547 --> 00:03:38,318 - LET ME GUESS. - NO NO, DON'T TRY AND GUESS, 100 00:03:38,319 --> 00:03:40,490 OKAY, BECAUSE IT'S TAKEN ME, LIKE, YEARS TO COME UP WITH 101 00:03:40,491 --> 00:03:41,521 THE PERFECT NAME. 102 00:03:41,522 --> 00:03:43,653 LONGO FIT? 103 00:03:43,654 --> 00:03:46,596 DID YOU PEEK IN MY DIARY? 104 00:03:46,597 --> 00:03:47,858 YOU KEEP A DIARY? 105 00:03:49,530 --> 00:03:52,362 NO. 106 00:03:52,363 --> 00:03:55,305 LOOK, JOE, I'M HAPPY WITH MY CLASS IN THE PARK WITH MY FRIENDS. 107 00:03:55,306 --> 00:03:56,966 OKAY, I'M SURE IT'S NOT AS INTENSE AS YOURS. 108 00:03:56,967 --> 00:03:58,308 AND I KNOW YOU DO A GREAT JOB, 109 00:03:58,309 --> 00:04:00,770 BUT, JUST, I LIKE HAVING FUN. 110 00:04:00,771 --> 00:04:03,713 OH OH, I SEE. 111 00:04:03,714 --> 00:04:05,315 SO YOU DON'T THINK THAT DOING SOMETHING WITH ME 112 00:04:05,316 --> 00:04:07,517 AS A COUPLE WOULD QUALIFY TO YOU AS FUN. 113 00:04:07,518 --> 00:04:09,479 - I DIDN'T MEANT THAT. - IT'S WHAT YOU SAID, ISN'T IT? 114 00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:10,680 OH, COME ON. 115 00:04:10,681 --> 00:04:11,981 DON'T LOOK SO SAD. 116 00:04:11,982 --> 00:04:13,623 - LET ME PUNCH YOU IN THE STOMACH. - NO. 117 00:04:13,624 --> 00:04:16,687 DON'T TRY AND CHEER ME UP. 118 00:04:17,988 --> 00:04:20,331 ( "Cassandra" theme song plays ) 119 00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:23,993 Zander: YOU REALLY THINK SOMEONE'S GONNA SHELL OUT REAL MONEY 120 00:04:23,994 --> 00:04:25,264 FOR OUR LITTLE WEB SERIES? 121 00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:26,866 ABSOLUTELY. 122 00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:29,038 BUT WE WON'T KNOW FOR SURE UNTIL WE HIT SEND. 123 00:04:29,039 --> 00:04:30,540 WHOA, OKAY, YOU KNOW... 124 00:04:30,541 --> 00:04:33,403 IT'S JUST THAT SENDING IT OFF TO BE JUDGED 125 00:04:33,404 --> 00:04:35,775 BY THE EDITORS OF THE WORLD'S COOLEST WEBSITES... 126 00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:37,006 THAT MAKE YOU NERVOUS? 127 00:04:37,007 --> 00:04:38,708 NOPE. 128 00:04:38,709 --> 00:04:40,410 OH, YOU DID IT. YOU JUST... 129 00:04:40,411 --> 00:04:41,781 YOU JUST DID IT. YOU JUST HIT SEND. 130 00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:43,513 IT'LL BE OKAY. 131 00:04:43,514 --> 00:04:46,486 ALL RIGHT, IT WAS TIME TO SEND OUR BABY OUT INTO THE WORLD. 132 00:04:46,487 --> 00:04:47,857 OKAY, YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. 133 00:04:47,858 --> 00:04:50,720 YOU KNOW, I JUST FEEL REALLY GOOD ABOUT THIS. 134 00:04:50,721 --> 00:04:51,921 ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT OUR WEB SHOW 135 00:04:51,922 --> 00:04:53,062 OR US BEING BACK TOGETHER? 136 00:04:53,063 --> 00:04:54,725 ALL OF IT. 137 00:04:56,767 --> 00:04:59,929 AW, LOOK AT YOU LOVEBIRDS. 138 00:04:59,930 --> 00:05:00,970 YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW THAT ONE OF YOU 139 00:05:00,971 --> 00:05:02,602 IS ABOUT TO FLY FAR FAR AWAY 140 00:05:02,603 --> 00:05:03,733 TO ART SCHOOL IN VERMONT. 141 00:05:03,734 --> 00:05:06,406 OH, 700 MILES FROM HERE. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? 142 00:05:06,407 --> 00:05:07,737 YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING, 143 00:05:07,738 --> 00:05:09,380 ENJOYING IT WHILE YOU CAN. 144 00:05:12,743 --> 00:05:15,786 ( workout music plays ) 145 00:05:17,418 --> 00:05:18,948 HEY, WERE YOU SERIOUS THE OTHER DAY 146 00:05:18,949 --> 00:05:20,049 WHEN YOU SAID YOU COULD DO A BETTER JOB 147 00:05:20,050 --> 00:05:21,691 TEACHING MY EXERCISE CLASS? 148 00:05:21,692 --> 00:05:23,793 ABSOLUTELY. ANY TIME. I'M YOUR MAN. 149 00:05:23,794 --> 00:05:25,795 OKAY. EVERYBODY, COME ON. 150 00:05:25,796 --> 00:05:27,697 ( music stops ) 151 00:05:27,698 --> 00:05:28,728 WHAT IS THIS? 152 00:05:28,729 --> 00:05:30,660 WELL, OUR REGULAR TEACHER HAD A LITTLE... 153 00:05:30,661 --> 00:05:33,463 A BENCH-WARRANT-FOR-ARREST THINGY. 154 00:05:33,464 --> 00:05:35,004 - SAY WHAT? - WELL, IT TURNS OUT, 155 00:05:35,005 --> 00:05:36,836 SOME OF HIS CLIENTS' AMAZING RESULTS 156 00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:37,907 WERE DUE IN PART TO HIM PERFORMING 157 00:05:37,908 --> 00:05:40,740 LIPOSUCTION WITHOUT A LICENSE. 158 00:05:40,741 --> 00:05:42,341 WOW, WE'VE GOTTEN TO THAT POINT 159 00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:44,744 WHERE YOU CAN'T EVEN TRUST STRANGERS IN THE PARK ANYMORE. 160 00:05:44,745 --> 00:05:46,816 HEY, EVERYBODY. THIS IS JOE. 161 00:05:46,817 --> 00:05:47,947 - Women: HEY. - Joe: HEY. 162 00:05:47,948 --> 00:05:49,749 - FIND A SPOT. - WAIT, WHAT? WHY... WHY... 163 00:05:49,750 --> 00:05:50,820 WHY DID YOU BRING THEM TO ME? 164 00:05:50,821 --> 00:05:52,351 WELL, THEY'RE DRESSED AND READY FOR CLASS. 165 00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:55,024 I FIGURED WHY NOT GIVE JOE LONGO A SHOT AS A TRAINER. 166 00:05:55,025 --> 00:05:57,457 THANK YOU. HEY, THIS MEANS A LOT TO ME. 167 00:05:57,458 --> 00:06:00,730 UH, LADIES, OKAY. 168 00:06:00,731 --> 00:06:04,464 WELCOME TO LONGO FIT. 169 00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:06,566 WELL, LOOK, UM, THIS CLASS IS NOT GONNA BE EASY, 170 00:06:06,567 --> 00:06:08,097 BUT I PROMISE YOU, YOU ARE ALL GONNA HAVE 171 00:06:08,098 --> 00:06:11,641 - AN AWESOME TIME. - OH, GO LONGO FIT! 172 00:06:11,642 --> 00:06:12,642 SEE YA. 173 00:06:12,643 --> 00:06:13,803 WAIT WAIT WAIT. 174 00:06:13,804 --> 00:06:15,645 AREN'T YOU GONNA STAY AND WORK OUT? 175 00:06:15,646 --> 00:06:16,876 WELL, YEAH, I'M GONNA WORK OUT. 176 00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:19,410 JUST... IT'S TIME FOR MY MORNING SAVASANA. 177 00:06:21,512 --> 00:06:23,152 MEL, UM, IT'S NOT EXACTLY 178 00:06:23,153 --> 00:06:24,383 A RINGING ENDORSEMENT OF MY CLASS 179 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:25,655 IF YOU DON'T STAY. 180 00:06:25,656 --> 00:06:27,787 I MEAN, IT WOULD JUST... 181 00:06:27,788 --> 00:06:29,789 MEAN THE WORLD TO ME IF YOU WOULD BE HERE. 182 00:06:29,790 --> 00:06:32,892 OKAY, IF YOU'RE GONNA PLAY THE GUILT CARD, 183 00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:35,895 I GUESS I COULD BE YOUR VOLUPTUOUS SPOKESMODEL. 184 00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:39,168 OKAY, HERE WE GO, LADIES. 185 00:06:39,169 --> 00:06:40,500 GET READY. 186 00:06:40,501 --> 00:06:44,073 THIS IS GONNA BE INSANELY FUN. 187 00:06:44,074 --> 00:06:46,006 YOU ARE HERE BECAUSE YOU ARE WEAK. 188 00:06:48,709 --> 00:06:50,139 UH... 189 00:06:50,140 --> 00:06:51,941 - WHO SAID YOU COULD STOP? - ( pants ) 190 00:06:51,942 --> 00:06:53,543 I CAN'T DO ANYMORE. 191 00:06:53,544 --> 00:06:55,485 ( mimics buzzer ) WRONG ANSWER. 192 00:06:55,486 --> 00:06:56,886 SERGEANT LONGO TELLS YOU 193 00:06:56,887 --> 00:06:58,548 WHEN YOU CAN AND CAN'T DO ANYMORE. 194 00:06:58,549 --> 00:06:59,949 HEY, SERGE, HOW ABOUT A WATER BREAK? 195 00:06:59,950 --> 00:07:01,851 FINE. WATER BREAK, EVERYBODY. 196 00:07:01,852 --> 00:07:02,753 30 SECONDS. 197 00:07:02,754 --> 00:07:04,694 HEY, WATER ONLY. NO SNACKS. 198 00:07:04,695 --> 00:07:05,725 NO YAPPING. 199 00:07:05,726 --> 00:07:07,797 THIS IS SO COOL. 200 00:07:07,798 --> 00:07:09,859 YEAH, FANTASY COME TRUE FOR SOME... 201 00:07:09,860 --> 00:07:11,731 ACTUALLY, JUST YOU. 202 00:07:11,732 --> 00:07:13,002 HEY, MEL, YOU KNOW WHAT? 203 00:07:13,003 --> 00:07:15,465 I THINK LONGO FIT COULD REALLY BE A BUSINESS. 204 00:07:15,466 --> 00:07:17,436 YEAH, MAYBE, YOU KNOW, 205 00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:19,438 IF YOU EASE UP A LITTLE BIT. 206 00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:20,610 WHAT? COME ONE. 207 00:07:20,611 --> 00:07:21,741 THESE WOMEN LOVE WHAT I'M DOING. 208 00:07:21,742 --> 00:07:24,974 I THOUGHT CHILD BIRTH HURT. 209 00:07:24,975 --> 00:07:26,616 YOU'RE KILLING HER. 210 00:07:26,617 --> 00:07:27,877 SHE'S FINE. 211 00:07:27,878 --> 00:07:29,019 YO, WALK IT OFF! 212 00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:31,481 ALL RIGHT, LADIES, WE'RE BACK IN. 213 00:07:31,482 --> 00:07:32,852 60 SECONDS OF JUMP SQUATS. 214 00:07:32,853 --> 00:07:34,684 LET'S GO. ON THE MATS. COME ON. WE'RE IN. 215 00:07:34,685 --> 00:07:36,025 LET'S MOVE IT. LET'S MOVE IT. 216 00:07:36,026 --> 00:07:37,957 WE'RE LAUNCHING. WE'RE LAUNCH... 217 00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:39,789 WHAT IS THIS? COME ON, LADIES. 218 00:07:39,790 --> 00:07:41,060 EVERYBODY, SIT IN YOUR AIR CHAIR. 219 00:07:41,061 --> 00:07:43,062 LAUNCH! HERE WE GO. 220 00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:45,535 HERE WE... 221 00:07:45,536 --> 00:07:46,566 YOU CALL THAT A LAUNCH? 222 00:07:46,567 --> 00:07:48,638 SORRY, SERGEANT LONGO. 223 00:07:48,639 --> 00:07:49,769 I'LL DO BETTER. 224 00:07:49,770 --> 00:07:51,741 YOU KNOW HE'S NOT A REAL DRILL SERGEANT, RIGHT? 225 00:07:51,742 --> 00:07:53,903 HE'S MORE LIKE CAPTAIN CRUNCH. 226 00:07:53,904 --> 00:07:56,005 HEY, NO TALKING, ALL RIGHT? 227 00:07:56,006 --> 00:07:57,947 COME ON! 30 SECONDS, LADIES. 228 00:07:57,948 --> 00:07:59,509 LET'S GO. LET'S GO. LET'S GO. 229 00:07:59,510 --> 00:08:00,750 ONLY IF YOU WANT TO, SWEETIE. 230 00:08:00,751 --> 00:08:02,852 YOU KNOW WHAT, TANDY, MEL'S RIGHT. 231 00:08:02,853 --> 00:08:04,854 WHY DON'T YOU JUST RELAX FOR THE REST OF THE DAY? 232 00:08:04,855 --> 00:08:07,486 SEE, YOU CAN BE A SERGEANT WITH HEART. 233 00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:08,858 YEAH, THE REST OF THE CLASS WILL MAKE UP FOR IT 234 00:08:08,859 --> 00:08:10,790 BY DOING AN EXTRA 60 SECONDS OF JUMP SQUATS! 235 00:08:10,791 --> 00:08:12,622 - ( groaning ) - EVERYBODY ELSE IS IN. 236 00:08:12,623 --> 00:08:14,694 YOU CAN'T DO THAT. THAT'S COLLECTIVE PUNISHMENT. 237 00:08:14,695 --> 00:08:15,865 OH, SO YOU'RE FINALLY STARTING TO REALIZE 238 00:08:15,866 --> 00:08:16,966 WHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE. 239 00:08:16,967 --> 00:08:18,928 LET'S GO, LADIES. COME ON. 240 00:08:18,929 --> 00:08:20,800 THERE'S NO BREAKS. LET'S GO. 241 00:08:20,801 --> 00:08:23,502 - ( music stops ) - LOOK, NONE OF YOU HAVE TO DO THIS. 242 00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:25,104 HEY, MEL, IF YOU KEEP BEING DISRUPTIVE, 243 00:08:25,105 --> 00:08:26,275 I'M GONNA HAVE TO ASK YOU TO LEAVE. 244 00:08:26,276 --> 00:08:28,678 LADIES, JUST EVERYBODY GO AT YOUR OWN PACE. 245 00:08:28,679 --> 00:08:29,979 OKAY, THAT'S IT. YOU'RE OUT. 246 00:08:29,980 --> 00:08:31,781 WHAT? YOU WOULDN'T KICK OUT YOUR OWN GIRLFRIEND. 247 00:08:31,782 --> 00:08:33,042 I JUST DID. 248 00:08:33,043 --> 00:08:35,044 - ( music resumes ) - SEE YOU. 249 00:08:35,045 --> 00:08:37,046 OKAY, THESE WOMEN, THEY CAME IN WITH ME 250 00:08:37,047 --> 00:08:38,047 AND THEY'RE GONNA LEAVE WITH ME. 251 00:08:38,048 --> 00:08:39,119 RIGHT, LADIES? 252 00:08:40,991 --> 00:08:42,692 WELL, THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN. 253 00:08:42,693 --> 00:08:44,554 ALL RIGHT, LADIES, WE'RE BACK IN. 254 00:08:44,555 --> 00:08:46,796 JUMP SQUATS, LET'S GO. LET'S MAKE A CHANGE. 255 00:08:46,797 --> 00:08:48,729 I HAVE DONUTS IN THE KITCHEN. 256 00:08:51,231 --> 00:08:54,804 WHAT KIND OF SAD, BROKEN PEOPLE CHOOSE SQUATS OVER DONUTS? 257 00:08:54,805 --> 00:08:56,867 COME ON. COME ON. 258 00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:06,275 RYDER, OUR DEAL WAS YOU CAN GO TO THE MUSIC FESTIVAL 259 00:09:06,276 --> 00:09:07,677 IF YOU CHECKED IN TWICE A DAY. 260 00:09:07,678 --> 00:09:09,248 INSTAGRAMING A PICTURE OF TWO GIRLS 261 00:09:09,249 --> 00:09:11,881 WRESTLING IN THE MUD DOES NOT COUNT. 262 00:09:11,882 --> 00:09:13,222 CALL ME BACK IN THREE HOURS, OKAY? 263 00:09:13,223 --> 00:09:14,624 I'LL BE HERE ALL NIGHT. 264 00:09:14,625 --> 00:09:16,325 I'M SUPPOSED TO GO TO THIS FANCY RESTAURANT WITH JOE, 265 00:09:16,326 --> 00:09:17,987 BUT THEN HE KICKED ME OUT OF HIS EXERCISE CLASS 266 00:09:17,988 --> 00:09:19,558 AND NOW WE'RE IN THIS HUGE FIGHT. 267 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:21,560 - ( phone beeps ) - AND I... HELLO? 268 00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:25,996 OKAY, I CHOOSE TO BELIEVE HIS BATTERY JUST DIED. 269 00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:29,238 NO, YOU HANG UP FIRST. 270 00:09:29,239 --> 00:09:31,901 - ( phone beeps ) - HELLO? 271 00:09:31,902 --> 00:09:35,044 HE HUNG UP ON ME. 272 00:09:35,045 --> 00:09:38,608 AW, I LOVE THAT ZANDER HATES COUPLE CLICHES. 273 00:09:38,609 --> 00:09:39,749 OH, WE'VE BEEN TALKING. 274 00:09:39,750 --> 00:09:40,880 AND WE DECIDED THAT WE'RE GOING TO HAVE 275 00:09:40,881 --> 00:09:42,111 A LONG-DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP. 276 00:09:42,112 --> 00:09:43,312 GOOD FOR YOU. 277 00:09:43,313 --> 00:09:44,914 YOU GUYS MIGHT BE THE ONES TO MAKE IT WORK. 278 00:09:44,915 --> 00:09:46,756 UH, WAIT. 279 00:09:46,757 --> 00:09:48,287 WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "WE MIGHT BE THE ONES"? 280 00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:50,860 HONEY, LOOK, THE THING ABOUT LONG-DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS 281 00:09:50,861 --> 00:09:52,591 IS THAT SOMETIMES THEY... 282 00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:54,263 NEVER WORK. 283 00:09:54,264 --> 00:09:55,925 - NEVER?! - WELL, LOOK, LENNOX. 284 00:09:55,926 --> 00:09:56,996 EVERYBODY PLANS ON STAYING 285 00:09:56,997 --> 00:09:58,597 WITH THEIR HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEART, 286 00:09:58,598 --> 00:09:59,829 BUT THEN THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW, YOU'RE AT COLLEGE 287 00:09:59,830 --> 00:10:02,371 AND THE OLDER GUYS ASK YOU TO THIS REALLY COOL PARTY, 288 00:10:02,372 --> 00:10:03,602 AND THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW, YOU'RE UPSIDE DOWN. 289 00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:04,774 THEN THE REST OF THE FRESHMAN YEAR, 290 00:10:04,775 --> 00:10:07,076 EVERYBODY'S CALLING YOU THE KEG QUEEN. 291 00:10:07,077 --> 00:10:10,109 AUNT MEL, I DON'T THINK I'LL EVER BE KEG QUEEN. 292 00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:11,742 WELL, NOT WITH THAT ATTITUDE YOU WON'T. 293 00:10:13,043 --> 00:10:14,113 SERIOUSLY, THOUGH, LOOK, 294 00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:15,614 COLLEGE IS A WHOLE NEW WORLD. 295 00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:17,016 AND YOU BECOME A DIFFERENT PERSON. 296 00:10:17,017 --> 00:10:20,089 AND HIGH SCHOOL RELATIONSHIPS TEND NOT TO SURVIVE THAT. 297 00:10:20,090 --> 00:10:21,991 UGH, WHO AM I KIDDING? 298 00:10:21,992 --> 00:10:23,993 YOU'RE RIGHT. ZANDER AND I ARE DOOMED! 299 00:10:23,994 --> 00:10:25,354 NO NO NO! 300 00:10:25,355 --> 00:10:27,256 LOOK, MAYBE THE RULES DON'T APPLY TO YOU AND ZANDER. 301 00:10:27,257 --> 00:10:29,628 LOOK, YOU JUST PLAYED THAT YOU-HANG-UP-FIRST GAME. 302 00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:30,900 AND HE IMMEDIATELY HUNG UP ON YOU. 303 00:10:30,901 --> 00:10:33,362 YOU KNOW, YOU GUYS ARE ARTISTS. 304 00:10:33,363 --> 00:10:34,904 YOU'LL MAKE UP YOUR OWN RULES. 305 00:10:34,905 --> 00:10:36,365 IT KIND OF SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE TRYING TO LAMELY 306 00:10:36,366 --> 00:10:38,307 WEASEL YOUR WAY OUT OF AN AWKWARD CONVERSATION. 307 00:10:38,308 --> 00:10:40,009 LIKE I WOULD DO THAT. 308 00:10:40,010 --> 00:10:42,371 OOH, YOU KNOW, IT IS SMOKE-DETECTOR-AWARENESS MONTH. 309 00:10:42,372 --> 00:10:44,074 I SHOULD CHECK SOME BATTERIES. 310 00:10:46,316 --> 00:10:48,647 ( whistles ) 311 00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:50,379 WHAT ARE YOU ALL DRESSED UP FOR? 312 00:10:50,380 --> 00:10:51,751 OUR BIG DATE TONIGHT? WAIT A MINUTE, 313 00:10:51,752 --> 00:10:52,782 THAT CAN'T BE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING. 314 00:10:52,783 --> 00:10:55,324 AND WHAT... YOU'RE EATING A SANDWICH?! 315 00:10:55,325 --> 00:10:57,356 WE GOT TEN GOURMET COURSES COMING OUR WAY TONIGHT, 316 00:10:57,357 --> 00:10:59,258 ONE OF WHICH IS FLAMING CHEESE. 317 00:10:59,259 --> 00:11:00,429 WE CAN'T GO ON A ROMANTIC DATE. 318 00:11:00,430 --> 00:11:01,991 WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A HUGE FIGHT. 319 00:11:01,992 --> 00:11:04,433 WE ARE? 320 00:11:04,434 --> 00:11:05,434 YOU DIDN'T KNOW?! 321 00:11:05,435 --> 00:11:07,036 NOBODY TOLD ME. 322 00:11:07,037 --> 00:11:08,838 YOU KICKED ME OUT OF YOUR EXERCISE CLASS. 323 00:11:08,839 --> 00:11:10,439 WHAT? I DIDN'T KICK YOU OUT OF THERE. 324 00:11:10,440 --> 00:11:11,901 YOU DIDN'T WANT TO BE THERE, COME ON. 325 00:11:11,902 --> 00:11:13,272 AND THEN YOU TRIED TO START THAT LITTLE MUTINY 326 00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:14,373 WITH DONUTS, BUT LOOK... 327 00:11:14,374 --> 00:11:16,275 LET'S JUST PUT ALL THAT ASIDE, ALL RIGHT, 328 00:11:16,276 --> 00:11:17,807 AND GO ENJOY THIS AMAZING DINNER. 329 00:11:17,808 --> 00:11:19,448 BUT THAT THERE HASN'T EVEN BEEN AN APOLOGY. 330 00:11:19,449 --> 00:11:22,281 ALL RIGHT, LOOK, I'M GONNA TAKE CARE OF THAT RIGHT NOW. 331 00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:25,855 OKAY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO APOLOGIZE TO ME. 332 00:11:25,856 --> 00:11:28,187 OH, APOLOGIZE YOU TO YOU? 333 00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:29,919 NO, YOU NEED TO APOLOGIZE TO ME. 334 00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:31,090 THIS IS ACTUALLY STARTING 335 00:11:31,091 --> 00:11:32,221 TO SEEM LIKE A LITTLE BIT OF A FIGHT NOW. 336 00:11:32,222 --> 00:11:34,423 YEAH, IT'S BEEN ONE FOR SOME TIME. KEEP UP. 337 00:11:34,424 --> 00:11:36,065 WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE. HONEY HONEY, LOOK LOOK... 338 00:11:36,066 --> 00:11:37,967 YOU SPENT A LOT OF MONEY ON THIS DINNER TONIGHT. 339 00:11:37,968 --> 00:11:39,268 OKAY, ALL I'M SAYING IS 340 00:11:39,269 --> 00:11:41,200 LET'S JUST PUT OUR DIFFERENCES OF OPINION ON HOLD, 341 00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:45,004 OKAY? GO OUT, ENJOY TEN AMAZING COURSES, 342 00:11:45,005 --> 00:11:46,275 THEN WE CAN COME BACK HOME AND PICK THIS FIGHT UP 343 00:11:46,276 --> 00:11:48,007 RIGHT WHERE WE LEFT OFF. 'CAUSE I HAVE A HUNCH 344 00:11:48,008 --> 00:11:50,409 SOMEONE'S GONNA REMEMBER EXACTLY WHERE THAT WAS. 345 00:11:50,410 --> 00:11:53,813 SO YOU JUST WANT TO IGNORE OUR FEELINGS FOR FOUR HOURS? 346 00:11:53,814 --> 00:11:55,414 NO NO. NOT IGNORE. 347 00:11:55,415 --> 00:11:57,987 PUT THEM ASIDE... 348 00:11:57,988 --> 00:12:01,851 TO MAKE ROOM FOR FLAMING CHEESE. 349 00:12:01,852 --> 00:12:03,192 SAY IT AGAIN. 350 00:12:03,193 --> 00:12:07,927 FLAMING CHEESE. 351 00:12:07,928 --> 00:12:10,430 WHAT FIGHT? 352 00:12:14,404 --> 00:12:16,135 YOU KNOW, MEL, I HAVE TO TELL YOU. 353 00:12:16,136 --> 00:12:17,306 I'M REALLY HAPPY THAT YOU SPENT A LOT OF MONEY 354 00:12:17,307 --> 00:12:18,337 AND WON THAT CHARITY AUCTION THING 355 00:12:18,338 --> 00:12:20,870 BECAUSE I THINK TONIGHT'S DINNER 356 00:12:20,871 --> 00:12:22,371 IS GONNA BE VERY SPECIAL. 357 00:12:22,372 --> 00:12:24,043 MM-HMM, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT ELSE IS SPECIAL, 358 00:12:24,044 --> 00:12:27,046 GETTING KICKED OUT OF MY OWN GARAGE FOR TRYING TO HELP YOU. 359 00:12:27,047 --> 00:12:29,518 SEE, I KNEW YOU COULD SET IT ASIDE. 360 00:12:29,519 --> 00:12:31,380 HAVE YOU DECIDED ON THE WINE? 361 00:12:31,381 --> 00:12:33,352 - YES. - YEAH, WE'RE GONNA HAVE A BOTTLE OF 362 00:12:33,353 --> 00:12:35,985 THE 2012 IL GOMITO. 363 00:12:35,986 --> 00:12:38,387 WELL, NO NEED FOR ME TO WEIGH IN. 364 00:12:38,388 --> 00:12:41,460 YOUR OPINION IS JUST GOOD ENOUGH FOR EVERYBODY. 365 00:12:41,461 --> 00:12:44,363 YOU KNOW WHAT? I JUST FIGURED IT OUT. 366 00:12:44,364 --> 00:12:46,065 IT JUST HIT ME. 367 00:12:46,066 --> 00:12:47,336 YEAH, FOR THE LAST THREE YEARS, 368 00:12:47,337 --> 00:12:49,098 YOU'VE BEEN THE ONE CALLING ALL THE SHOTS. 369 00:12:49,099 --> 00:12:50,369 AND TODAY, IN MY CLASS, 370 00:12:50,370 --> 00:12:51,801 I WAS THE ONE MAKING THE RULES, 371 00:12:51,802 --> 00:12:53,142 AND THAT MADE YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE. 372 00:12:53,143 --> 00:12:55,404 OH, SO YOU HAVE ALL THIS BUILT-UP RESENTMENT 373 00:12:55,405 --> 00:12:56,876 AND KICKING ME OUT TODAY WAS PAYBACK? 374 00:12:56,877 --> 00:12:58,948 NO, IT'S LONGO FIT. 375 00:12:58,949 --> 00:13:01,410 I'M LONGO, ALL RIGHT? WE GO BY MY RULES. 376 00:13:01,411 --> 00:13:03,452 IF IT WAS BURKE FIT, WE'D BE FOLLOWING YOUR RULES. 377 00:13:03,453 --> 00:13:05,454 WE'D PROBABLY ALL BE DOING BICEP CURLS WITH WINE GLASSES. 378 00:13:05,455 --> 00:13:07,987 SEE, NOW, I'D SIGN UP FOR THAT CLASS. 379 00:13:07,988 --> 00:13:10,359 PARDON ME, IT IS MY GREAT PLEASURE 380 00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:13,292 TO PRESENT TO YOU CHEF MALCOLM SUNDERLAND. 381 00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:16,565 GOOD EVENING. WELCOME TO THE CHEF'S TABLE. 382 00:13:16,566 --> 00:13:18,828 SO OUR FIRST COURSE... 383 00:13:18,829 --> 00:13:21,000 IS A PAN-SEARED COHO SALMON 384 00:13:21,001 --> 00:13:23,372 RUBBED LIGHTLY WITH LEMON PEPPER 385 00:13:23,373 --> 00:13:26,535 AND KISSED WITH A SQUIRT OF LEMON JUICE. 386 00:13:26,536 --> 00:13:27,977 DELIGHTFUL. 387 00:13:27,978 --> 00:13:29,909 OOH, ALL THIS KISSING AND SQUIRTING 388 00:13:29,910 --> 00:13:31,310 MAKES IT SOUNDS SO DIRTY. 389 00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:32,382 ENJOY. 390 00:13:33,844 --> 00:13:35,184 MM. 391 00:13:35,185 --> 00:13:36,415 OH, YEAH. 392 00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:38,587 I CAN DEFINITELY PUT OUR FIGHT ON HOLD FOR THIS. 393 00:13:38,588 --> 00:13:40,349 OH MY GOD. 394 00:13:40,350 --> 00:13:41,851 UGH! 395 00:13:41,852 --> 00:13:43,292 THING'S RAW. IT'S AWFUL. 396 00:13:43,293 --> 00:13:45,394 NO, IT'S SEARED TO PERFECTION. 397 00:13:45,395 --> 00:13:47,096 NO, MEL, LOOK AT THIS. 398 00:13:47,097 --> 00:13:48,397 SEE THAT COLOR RIGHT THERE? 399 00:13:48,398 --> 00:13:50,299 THAT'S THE COLOR OF A FAMILY INTESTINAL PARASITES 400 00:13:50,300 --> 00:13:51,400 THAT ARE PACKING THEIR BAGS 401 00:13:51,401 --> 00:13:53,362 AND GETTING READY TO MOVE INTO MY DIGESTIVE TRACT. 402 00:13:53,363 --> 00:13:55,404 WELL, NOW I'M HUNGRY. 403 00:13:55,405 --> 00:13:57,306 NO, THERE'S... EXCUSE ME. 404 00:13:57,307 --> 00:13:59,438 CHEF MALCOLM, DUDE. 405 00:13:59,439 --> 00:14:01,010 I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT TO CALL HIM. 406 00:14:01,011 --> 00:14:02,411 YES, SIR, IS THERE A PROBLEM? 407 00:14:02,412 --> 00:14:05,144 YES, I THINK THERE'S BEEN A MISTAKE HERE BECAUSE, UM... 408 00:14:05,145 --> 00:14:08,417 MY SALMON, IT'S STILL SWIMMING UPSTREAM. 409 00:14:08,418 --> 00:14:09,879 IT'S UNCOOKED. 410 00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:11,520 OH, NO, THIS IS SEARED. 411 00:14:11,521 --> 00:14:13,622 AND THIS IS THE WAY IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE. 412 00:14:13,623 --> 00:14:15,284 YEAH, IF YOU'RE STANDING IN THE RIVER 413 00:14:15,285 --> 00:14:16,485 AND YOU HAPPEN TO BE A BEAR. 414 00:14:16,486 --> 00:14:19,929 MAYBE YOU SHOULD TRY IT AND YOU MIGHT REALLY LIKE IT. 415 00:14:19,930 --> 00:14:22,992 LOOK, I APPRECIATE IT, BUT I SORT OF KNOW WHAT I LIKE. 416 00:14:22,993 --> 00:14:24,363 AND I THINK WHAT I WOULD LIKE 417 00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:26,595 HE'S... HE'S WALKING AWAY WHILE I'M TALKING TO HIM. 418 00:14:26,596 --> 00:14:28,297 WHY IS HE WALKING AWAY WHILE I'M TALKING TO HIM? 419 00:14:28,298 --> 00:14:30,439 JOE, LET IT GO. OKAY, THIS IS WHAT WE PAID $400 FOR. 420 00:14:30,440 --> 00:14:31,941 TO EAT THE FOOD THE WAY 421 00:14:31,942 --> 00:14:33,542 THE MAN IN THE BIG WHITE JACKET SAYS IT SHOULD BE MADE. 422 00:14:33,543 --> 00:14:35,574 MAYBE HE KNOWS SOMETHING. IT IS HIS KITCHEN. 423 00:14:35,575 --> 00:14:37,346 YEAH, WELL, I'M THE CUSTOMER, ALL RIGHT? 424 00:14:37,347 --> 00:14:39,248 AND YOU KNOW WHAT? 425 00:14:39,249 --> 00:14:41,410 IF HE'S NOT GONNA FIX IT, I WILL. 426 00:14:41,411 --> 00:14:42,451 WHAT? JOE, SIT DOWN. 427 00:14:42,452 --> 00:14:44,083 YOU CAN'T DO THIS. THERE ARE RULES. 428 00:14:44,084 --> 00:14:46,656 TRUST ME. I GOT EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL HERE. 429 00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:51,360 SIR, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 430 00:14:51,361 --> 00:14:54,264 HATE TO TELL YOU THIS, PAL, BUT... ( chuckles ) YOUR JOB. 431 00:14:56,266 --> 00:14:58,297 SIR, PUT MY SPATULA DOWN. 432 00:14:58,298 --> 00:15:00,029 I WILL, JUST GIVE ME LIKE TWO MINUTES. 433 00:15:00,030 --> 00:15:01,900 THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE. 434 00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,172 LEAVE MY KITCHEN NOW. 435 00:15:03,173 --> 00:15:04,403 I HAVEN'T EVEN HAD DINNER YET! 436 00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:05,574 WELL, MAYBE IF YOU GET IN YOUR CAR 437 00:15:05,575 --> 00:15:06,675 AND DRIVE AROUND THE BLOCK, 438 00:15:06,676 --> 00:15:08,477 YOU MAY FIND SOME NUGGETS 439 00:15:08,478 --> 00:15:10,639 THAT SUIT YOU JUST FINE. NOW LEAVE. 440 00:15:10,640 --> 00:15:13,113 YOU KNOW WHAT? I'D BE HAPPY TO. 441 00:15:15,015 --> 00:15:17,416 COME ON. 442 00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:19,648 SO I GUESS I'M KICKED OUT TOO, HUH? 443 00:15:19,649 --> 00:15:21,320 ABSOLUTELY NOT. 444 00:15:21,321 --> 00:15:25,924 THAT'S COLLECTIVE PUNISHMENT, AND I AM NOT A BARBARIAN. 445 00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:28,028 MEL, ARE YOU GONNA STAY? 446 00:15:30,660 --> 00:15:32,332 IT'S FLAMING CHEESE. 447 00:15:33,633 --> 00:15:38,007 I DON'T THINK I CAN TAKE FIRE TO GO. 448 00:15:38,008 --> 00:15:40,410 I'LL SEE YOU AT HOME THEN. 449 00:15:42,572 --> 00:15:44,443 THIS IS AN AGED TOMME 450 00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:47,116 RIGHT FROM THE SOUTHWEST OF FRANCE. 451 00:15:47,117 --> 00:15:49,178 IT'S SOFT AND IT'S YIELDING. 452 00:15:49,179 --> 00:15:50,449 SAVE IT. 453 00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:51,720 I NEVER SAID THIS ABOUT A MAN BEFORE, 454 00:15:51,721 --> 00:15:54,583 BUT HE'S MORE IMPORTANT TO ME THAN FLAMING CHEESE. 455 00:15:54,584 --> 00:15:56,725 WOW, YOU'RE A VERY FORGIVING WOMEN. 456 00:15:56,726 --> 00:15:59,328 UGH, TRUST ME. I'M NOT FORGIVING ANYBODY. 457 00:15:59,329 --> 00:16:00,489 THAT SALMON AIN'T THE ONLY ONE 458 00:16:00,490 --> 00:16:02,362 GETTING ITS ASS SEARED TONIGHT. 459 00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:11,740 WHAT IF CASSANDRA REFUSES 460 00:16:11,741 --> 00:16:13,242 TO GO ON A FAMILY VACATION 461 00:16:13,243 --> 00:16:15,044 BECAUSE SHE HAS A VISION THAT TELLS HER 462 00:16:15,045 --> 00:16:16,576 THE HOTEL BEDSPREAD WILL BE TOTALLY GROSS. 463 00:16:18,748 --> 00:16:21,280 - LENNOX, ARE YOU LISTENING? - WE NEED TO TALK. 464 00:16:21,281 --> 00:16:23,012 YEAH, I KNOW, IT WASN'T MY BEST IDEA. 465 00:16:23,013 --> 00:16:24,383 I MEAN, ABOUT US. 466 00:16:24,384 --> 00:16:27,316 WHEN YOU GO AWAY TO COLLEGE, I DON'T WANT US TO BREAK UP. 467 00:16:27,317 --> 00:16:29,988 - UH, ME NEITHER. - YEAH, BUT I ALSO DON'T WANT US 468 00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:31,690 TO HAVE ONE OF THOSE LONG-DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS 469 00:16:31,691 --> 00:16:33,062 WHERE EVERYONE GETS HURT. 470 00:16:33,063 --> 00:16:34,993 - WHO WOULD WANT THAT? - OKAY OKAY. 471 00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:37,266 SO HERE'S WHAT I THINK. WE NEED TO SET SOME RULES. 472 00:16:37,267 --> 00:16:39,128 LIKE WHEN WE'RE TOGETHER, WE'LL BE TOGETHER. 473 00:16:39,129 --> 00:16:40,229 AND THEN WHEN WE'RE NOT TOGETHER, 474 00:16:40,230 --> 00:16:42,301 WE'RE NOT TOGETHER. 475 00:16:42,302 --> 00:16:43,732 HUH? 476 00:16:43,733 --> 00:16:45,574 LIKE WHEN WE'RE IN THE SAME PLACE, 477 00:16:45,575 --> 00:16:48,437 THE SAME CITY, THE SAME... ZONE, 478 00:16:48,438 --> 00:16:49,578 WE'LL BE EXCLUSIVE. 479 00:16:49,579 --> 00:16:51,340 BUT THEN WHEN WE'RE IN DIFFERENT ZONES, 480 00:16:51,341 --> 00:16:53,582 WE WON'T BE EXCLUSIVE. 481 00:16:53,583 --> 00:16:57,086 SO YOU WANT TO BE NON-EXCLUSIVE, LIKE, WITH OTHER GUYS. 482 00:16:57,087 --> 00:16:58,287 WELL, ONLY WHEN WE'RE NOT IN THE SAME ZONE. 483 00:16:58,288 --> 00:17:00,549 OH, GREAT. UM... 484 00:17:00,550 --> 00:17:04,593 SO WHERE EXACTLY DOES THIS NON-EXCLUSIVE ZONE BEGIN AND END? 485 00:17:04,594 --> 00:17:06,255 ARE YOU MY GIRLFRIEND WHEN I GET ON THE PLANE? 486 00:17:06,256 --> 00:17:08,697 OR ONLY WHEN I CROSS INTO OHIO AIRSPACE? 487 00:17:08,698 --> 00:17:12,030 IS THERE AN APP SO I CAN TRACK THE ZONE? 488 00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:13,262 YOU'RE NOT TAKING THIS SERIOUSLY. 489 00:17:13,263 --> 00:17:14,503 YOU'RE NOT TAKING US SERIOUSLY. 490 00:17:14,504 --> 00:17:16,165 I'M JUST TRYING TO SAVE US. 491 00:17:16,166 --> 00:17:18,167 WE DON'T HAVE TO BREAK UP LIKE EVERY OTHER COUPLE 492 00:17:18,168 --> 00:17:20,069 WHO TRIES A LONG-DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP. 493 00:17:20,070 --> 00:17:21,710 THANKS FOR PROTECTING OUR RELATIONSHIP 494 00:17:21,711 --> 00:17:23,242 BY PRETENDING IT DOESN'T EXIST. 495 00:17:23,243 --> 00:17:25,374 NO, I'M JUST TRYING TO ESTABLISH SOME RULES 496 00:17:25,375 --> 00:17:27,246 SO WE CAN KEEP THIS THING FROM ENDING 497 00:17:27,247 --> 00:17:30,679 IN ANGER AND TEARS. 498 00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:33,822 ( in tears ) WELL, BRAVO, YOU'VE DONE A BANG-UP JOB OF THAT. 499 00:17:33,823 --> 00:17:37,386 I'M SORRY, BUT WHAT'S THE ALTERNATIVE, ZANDER? 500 00:17:37,387 --> 00:17:39,288 THAT WE STAY TOGETHER IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP 501 00:17:39,289 --> 00:17:40,459 IN ALL TIME ZONES. 502 00:17:40,460 --> 00:17:42,331 WELL, THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE IN THE REAL WORLD. 503 00:17:42,332 --> 00:17:44,062 - I GUESS WE JUST BREAK UP THEN. - FINE! 504 00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:46,295 GOOD! WE'RE BROKEN UP! DONE! WORLDWIDE! 505 00:17:46,296 --> 00:17:48,337 NO MATTER WHAT CITY WE'RE IN, WE'RE NOT A COUPLE AT ALL. 506 00:17:48,338 --> 00:17:50,068 WELL, WE CAN START BY NOT BEING A COUPLE RIGHT NOW. 507 00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:51,500 AND WE'RE NOT DOING THAT WHOLE "LET'S STAY FRIENDS" THING EITHER. 508 00:17:51,501 --> 00:17:53,142 I'M FINE WITH THAT. CLEAN BREAK, 509 00:17:53,143 --> 00:17:54,173 JUST SEVER ALL TIES. 510 00:17:54,174 --> 00:17:55,175 ( computer beeps ) 511 00:17:59,409 --> 00:18:01,550 "DEAR, MISS SCANLON AND MR. CARLSON, 512 00:18:01,551 --> 00:18:03,382 YOU GUYS ROCK. 513 00:18:03,383 --> 00:18:06,185 WE WANT TO BUY YOUR WEB SERIES, 'CASSANDRA.' 514 00:18:06,186 --> 00:18:08,787 WE THINK IT'S PERFECT FOR LAUGHORCHOKE.COM. 515 00:18:08,788 --> 00:18:11,390 CONTRACTS TO FOLLOW." 516 00:18:11,391 --> 00:18:13,292 - OH MY GOD! - WE'RE A HIT! 517 00:18:13,293 --> 00:18:14,524 ( both laughing ) 518 00:18:16,296 --> 00:18:17,426 ( clears throat ) 519 00:18:17,427 --> 00:18:19,598 THIS IS TOTALLY AWESOME NEWS, RIGHT? 520 00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:21,830 YEAH, WE CAN STILL WORK TOGETHER. 521 00:18:21,831 --> 00:18:24,233 YOU KNOW, WE CAN NOT BE DATING AND NOT BE FRIENDS 522 00:18:24,234 --> 00:18:26,435 AND HAVE IT NOT BE AWKWARD. 523 00:18:26,436 --> 00:18:28,677 OH, YEAH, SO NOT AWKWARD. 524 00:18:28,678 --> 00:18:30,209 YOU'RE HOLDING MY HAND. 525 00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:32,212 OH, RIGHT, NONE OF THAT. 526 00:18:34,714 --> 00:18:36,645 MEL, LOOK, I REALLY APPRECIATE 527 00:18:36,646 --> 00:18:39,218 YOU LEAVING THE RESTAURANT WITH ME, OKAY? 528 00:18:39,219 --> 00:18:42,521 OH, COME ON, NOW. SAY SOMETHING, WILL YOU? 529 00:18:42,522 --> 00:18:43,622 YOU KNOW I HATE THE SILENT TREATMENT. 530 00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:44,824 IT'S LIKE WORSE THAN YELLING. 531 00:18:46,696 --> 00:18:48,797 MEL, COME ON! 532 00:18:48,798 --> 00:18:50,599 SAY SOMETHING. I SAID I WAS SORRY 533 00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:52,261 LIKE 1,000 TIMES. 534 00:18:52,262 --> 00:18:53,802 YEAH, BUT YOU DIDN'T MEAN IT. 535 00:18:53,803 --> 00:18:56,265 I GOT TO MEAN IT? 536 00:18:56,266 --> 00:18:58,136 YEAH, OF COURSE. 537 00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:00,439 WHAT'D I DO WRONG? I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I DID WRONG. 538 00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:02,741 WELL, THAT'S WHY I'M HERE, OKAY? LOOK... 539 00:19:02,742 --> 00:19:04,373 YOU THREW A TANTRUM IN ANOTHER MAN'S KITCHEN 540 00:19:04,374 --> 00:19:06,845 WHO ONLY HAPPENS TO BE THE FINEST CHEF IN ALL OF TOLEDO. 541 00:19:06,846 --> 00:19:09,518 I MEAN, IT IS HIS PLACE, AFTER ALL. HE CALLS THE SHOTS. 542 00:19:09,519 --> 00:19:10,919 HOW'D YOU LIKE IT IF I CAME INTO YOUR EXERCISE CLASS 543 00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:13,183 AND TOLD YOU HOW... MAYBE THAT'S A BAD EXAMPLE. 544 00:19:14,224 --> 00:19:16,385 OH, WAIT A MINUTE! WAIT A MINUTE, HOLD ON. 545 00:19:16,386 --> 00:19:18,287 HOLD ON. MEL, I THINK YOU'RE ON TO SOMETHING HERE. 546 00:19:18,288 --> 00:19:21,360 BECAUSE WHEN YOU'RE IN THE PRESENCE OF, SAY, A MASTER, 547 00:19:21,361 --> 00:19:23,532 MAYBE IT'S NOT A BAD IDEA TO LISTEN TO THAT GUY. 548 00:19:23,533 --> 00:19:27,236 YOU KNOW, MAYBE IT'S EVEN WRONG AND SOMEWHAT DISRESPECTFUL 549 00:19:27,237 --> 00:19:30,239 TO TRY TO TAKE OVER AND DEMAND TO HAVE IT YOUR WAY. 550 00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:32,301 MAYBE... THAT'S ACTUALLY A VERY BAD EXAMPLE. 551 00:19:32,302 --> 00:19:34,543 NO, ACTUALLY, JOE, 552 00:19:34,544 --> 00:19:36,305 I THINK IT'S A PERFECT EXAMPLE. 553 00:19:36,306 --> 00:19:37,806 YEAH, YOURS WAS TOO. 554 00:19:37,807 --> 00:19:41,510 YOU KNOW, I THINK CHEF SUNDERLAND AND SERGEANT LONGO 555 00:19:41,511 --> 00:19:44,413 DESERVE MORE RESPECT THAN EITHER OF US SHOWED THEM TODAY. 556 00:19:44,414 --> 00:19:46,285 I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT. 557 00:19:46,286 --> 00:19:49,258 YOU KNOW, MEL, I THINK IT'S KIND OF COOL 558 00:19:49,259 --> 00:19:50,519 THAT YOU PUT ME IN THE SAME LEAGUE 559 00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:52,291 AS CHEF SUNDERLAND. 560 00:19:52,292 --> 00:19:54,393 AND I'M TELLING YOU, I REALLY BELIEVE 561 00:19:54,394 --> 00:19:56,295 THAT WITH SOME GOOD MARKETING, 562 00:19:56,296 --> 00:19:57,966 LONGO FIT COULD TURN INTO SOMETHING BIG. 563 00:19:57,967 --> 00:20:00,969 WELL, THEN I AM BEHIND YOU 100%. 564 00:20:00,970 --> 00:20:02,631 TO LONGO FIT. 565 00:20:02,632 --> 00:20:04,473 MAY THERE BE THOUSANDS OF OUT-OF-SHAPE PEOPLE 566 00:20:04,474 --> 00:20:05,874 IN THE CITY OF TOLEDO 567 00:20:05,875 --> 00:20:09,678 WHO LOVE BEING TORTURED BY A SWEET, SEXY DRILL SERGEANT. 568 00:20:09,679 --> 00:20:10,779 JUST NOT YOU. 569 00:20:10,780 --> 00:20:11,910 YEAH. 570 00:20:11,911 --> 00:20:13,282 IF YOU GOT RID OF THE SQUATS, 571 00:20:13,283 --> 00:20:15,414 AND MAYBE ADDED SOME NAPS AND SOME WINE, 572 00:20:15,415 --> 00:20:16,415 I'M IN. 573 00:20:16,416 --> 00:20:17,986 I'LL THINK ABOUT IT. 574 00:20:17,987 --> 00:20:19,419 - REALLY? - NO. 575 00:20:25,755 --> 00:20:27,926 POUR IN SLOWLY 576 00:20:27,927 --> 00:20:29,598 ONE HALF-CUP BRANDY. 577 00:20:29,599 --> 00:20:31,900 - OH, I LIKE IT ALREADY. - NO NO NO NO. 578 00:20:31,901 --> 00:20:33,762 POUR IT IN THE PAN. 579 00:20:33,763 --> 00:20:36,765 OKAY, YOU'RE REALLY GONNA HAVE TO BE MORE SPECIFIC. 580 00:20:36,766 --> 00:20:38,867 ARE YOU SURE WE SHOULDN'T ASK JOE HOW TO DO THIS? 581 00:20:38,868 --> 00:20:41,310 HEY, WE ARE TWO INTELLIGENT WOMEN. 582 00:20:41,311 --> 00:20:42,571 IT'S FLAMING CHEESE. 583 00:20:42,572 --> 00:20:44,813 WORSE-CASE SCENARIO, WE HAVE MELTED CHEESE. 584 00:20:44,814 --> 00:20:47,846 NO, WORSE-CASE SCENARIO, WE BURN OFF OUR EYEBROWS. 585 00:20:47,847 --> 00:20:50,579 AND I USE THESE A LOT. 586 00:20:50,580 --> 00:20:52,481 THIS IS WHERE IT ALL HAPPENS. 587 00:20:52,482 --> 00:20:55,984 ALL RIGHT, "TILT PAN AND LIGHT THE BRANDY." 588 00:20:55,985 --> 00:20:57,786 I'M NOT DOING THAT. 589 00:20:57,787 --> 00:20:59,559 YOU'RE SUCH A GIRL. 590 00:21:03,693 --> 00:21:05,735 OOH! 591 00:21:08,267 --> 00:21:10,769 OH, LOOK, IT'S COOKED PERFECTLY. 592 00:21:10,770 --> 00:21:12,000 BOY, I DON'T KNOW. 593 00:21:12,001 --> 00:21:15,744 IT LOOKS A LITTLE UNDERDONE. 594 00:21:15,745 --> 00:21:17,576 YEAH, MAYBE WE CAN FIRE IT UP AGAIN. 595 00:21:17,577 --> 00:21:18,908 BUT THIS TIME, I GET TO LIGHT IT. 596 00:21:26,416 --> 00:21:27,817 FIRE IN THE HOLE!